True Christmas Spirit

The material, commercial Christmas is not something I enjoy.

I have been remembering some of the Christmases of our past. The most warming memories come from times when we had little money. Times when we had to give of ourselves rather than from our pocket book. I know this Christmas will be hard for a lot of people, but if my family's experience is any indicator, it could be one of the most memorable.

The Christmas the kids mention the most is one in Yreka, when I was on welfare as a single mom of four. Our family had been through a huge trama and truly were "the walking wounded." I had no money to get anything special for them for Christmas. But though the generousity of others (especially my then-boyfriend, Tom), they did have Santa gifts. I put together a scrapbook for each of them that year. I took my collection of family pictures and sorted them out into a chronological order. I made sure each child had some pictures from each year of their live.

I had written a letter to each child at the point that I had learned I was pregnant. It welcomed them and let them know my feelings about their addition to our family. I tried to keep a diary of the pregnancy, but that didn't always happen. But they each had something to let them know that I had been looking forward to them being a part of my life. I included that into the scrapbook.

That was my gift to my kids that year. It turned out better than I ever thought it would. I just wanted to have SOME thing to give them.

That was also the year that they remember because there was a homeless man living in that small town. Their family had been shattered. They had lost their home, their car, their dad, their friends. They had lost aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. They had lost security, and trust, and dreams of their future. But here was someone who had less then them. And they reached out to him. They felt whole enough to want to give and share. They had compassion for HIS needs.

It was a wonderful lesson to me. I had cried before the holiday because I felt so poor. I remember telling Samara that I thought I would have to cancel Christmas. And this little fourth grade girl, 10 years old, told me, "You can't cancel Christmas. Christmas isn't about presents. It's Jesus birthday. You can't cancel that." Out of the mouths of babes. Maybe it was the first REAL Christmas I ever had.

We got games and toys from my parents and Tom. We played together that whole Christmas school vacation time. Their first day back to school, I cried after they left. I felt rich in their presence. The apartment without them seems bleak and void. Such was the love they bought into my life. And still do.

What were the gifts of that Christmas? It was the time we spent together. It was the communication we shared. It was the feelings we let out and acknowledged. It was the knowledge that the 25th of December celebrated the birth of the Savior of the world. It was learning that we had much to give - to others and to each other. It was learning that that we DID have each other. It's about what we have been given eternally.