Thursday, May 6, 2010

Feng Shui and Emotional Constipation

"The reason most people avoid clearing the clutter is not because it takes effort and it can be time consuming. The real reason is the fact that clutter clearing is a very emotional process that feels like therapy, and it takes emotional stamina to go through it. The good news, though, is that once you clear most of your clutter ... you will start experiencing high energy levels, more clarity, and a heightened sense of well-being..."


"For every piece of clutter that has piled up because we've been too busy or too distracted to deal with it, there's probably at least one piece that you have avoided dealing with for emotional reasons. The underlying problem is not procrastination, it's that dealing with clutter means dealing with our own difficult emotions:

1. Getting rid of clothes we'll never fit into again means accepting our current shape and level (or lack) of fitness.

2. Getting rid of an expensive item we never use means admitting that we made a poor decision when we bought it.

3. Getting rid of books and magazines we don't have time to read means accepting that we will never have enough time or attention to explore every topic that's of interest to us.

4. Getting rid of possessions remaining after a loved one has died means coming to terms with our loss and grief.

Acknowledge to yourself that clearing out your clutter will involve some emotional risk. Start by exploring why keeping certain kinds of clutter feels comforting to you."

BOY! That has been where I have been for at least a month. Dealing with getting rid of my mom's things has been overwhelming. I had someone tell me that maybe I just wasn't READY to let go.

BLING!! Light bulb moment!

I THOUGHT I was. I decided to prove to myself I was ready. Monday I filled the van with paintings, pictures, and boxes, planning to take them to the consignment place. But once loaded, I was too tired ... it was too late...yada-yada. (Easy to see the pattern NOW...)

The next day it rained and was really windy and I didn't want to deal with unloading everything in THAT kind of weather...(interesting, huh?)

Which brought me to yesterday. I had the car full and was irritated with myself for it still being in the car and not delivered. The weather was good and I had no excuses. It STILL took me most of the morning to get bathed, dressed and out the door. (And the funny thing was that I was oblivious to all this....)

At the Antique Mall, a lady came and helped me unload. And here is where it gets weird - ok? As I UNLOADED stuff, I started feeling "lighter." Weird, huh? I started getting happy. Now that's something I haven't felt for a while. I got all those abstract paintings out and felt really good about it - for about a minute.

Then - BAM! The guilt hits me. I was feeling really good about getting rid of something that meant so much to my parents. Now - that has to be wrong, right? What kind of a kid would be happy about getting rid of the things that were part of her parents lives? They spent years accumulating just the right things - and I was getting rid of them.

It is a weird world I live in right now. I had NO idea I felt that way, until - I felt that way. I decided to go with the "Woo-Hoo" feeling I had first. It goes back to my philosophy of things.

Things are just things.

Their treasures were treasures to THEM. My treasures won't mean any more to my kids when I am gone then my parents belongings mean to me. The only reasons I can think of for "things" to become valuable are:
1. the Quality of the craftsmanship
2. Memories attached to it
3. the Value of the components
Memories are only motivating if they are YOUR memories. So much of what I am dealing with, materially here, truly has no value for me. I can't hold on to everything I ever saw my mom use.
What I THINK I want is a connection to the past my mom and I shared. Things aren't going to give me that. My mom can't give me that. There is no amount of money that could be received from the sell of these things that will replace what Alzheimer's has stolen from me.
There is NOTHING redeeming about Alzheimer's. No part of it is fun. It's just a big, gaping black hole that eats up everything.
Clutter doesn't just consist of material items. I've got a lot of emotional things foing on, too. I'm working my way through it.

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